GOT TO TALK! but since i better not waste my voice unnecessarily, i'll blog. lots to say, so get comfortable. pushing this down to the 2nd post cos i wanna give my montage more air time. :D

so tired. so sian of life. sigh. sigh. exams are almost over. yay? lit today wasn't that bad. at least my nose wasn't leaking like a tap. still coughing tho. the poetry section was ok. did the "consorting with angels". although most of it was crap. but i think it was ok crap. the 2nd section was bad i think. i did the one about the struggle of the individual ultimately being the struggle between the self and the social institution. focused on lolita and the trial. so crappy. don't know what i wrote. i betcha if fjh marks it, i'll fail. sigh. all that crap about trying to confirm their existence. whatever. at least for the trial, it's obvious. for lolita, it's not. but i had to do lolita cos i can't remember anything else from anywhere else. sigh. so i'll just hope like heck that my section a can help. there was this guy sitting diagonally behind me, left the hall darn early. i think he had like 20 minutes to spare. what da hell?! when he left, i was frantically trying to wring my brain to think up points for how humbert is struggling against quilty is relevant. sigh. and i think i wrote darn little. as usual, i only wrote 2 and 1/2 pages. remembering how dr s always says that i write too little. haiz. just scrape through, whack and that's it lah.

very tired now. but have to mug for cultural studies. taking a breather before starting. sigh. no idea where to start. just trying to remember the stupid theories. wen hui recommends preparing some sort of cultural object. i think i'll try the fantasy story thing again. maybe i'll do better this time round. i really don't think i'll do well for cultural. even my project, i only got the B+ cos kevin helped me, practically writing my part. sigh. feel stupid again. 'just whack lah' is becoming my motto for exams. which is a bad thing. darn.

and it's going to rain. i hear the thunder. scary sia, i can hear my window grill rattling when it thunders. i've still got the heeby-jeebys on my mind ever since you know what. god, get it away! make me forget!! shouldn't have my air-con on. don't wanna catch cold again. lazy to do anything lah.

and again, here comes the time when i moan and groan about joining the choir. why? WHY?! gonna be so busy this hols. no time for a break. exams end tmr. i got 1 hr break. then choir till night. and the next day, choir again in school. and after that, everyday till the 9th, except sunday, 10am-4pm at siglap (thank god). sian. and i'm losing my voice again. and the competition...sigh. i miss meridian choir. at least there, isn't that much pressure to perform and live up to standard. nus, necessary to get gold for all the categories. and gold isn't just good enough. has to be gold A. sigh. and immediately after coming back from competition, preparation for carolling. (shangri-la on 24/25 dec, here i come!) st stephen's choir people, if i don't appear on sunday, or other days, you know why - i can't stand singing liao. can't wait for 18th to go cruise with sumi. gonna have to self learn the carolling pieces on the cruise.

anyway, to make me feel happy, i finally completed and uploaded that montage that i made. "can't fight this feeling" into a sort of friendship tribute thingy, focus on mj. haha! so happy with it. my first ever montage. another happy stuff, maiden tagged me!! haha! i didn't think anyone from the dc board actually visits my blog for a social visit. haha! haven't been to the board for such a long time. and then suddenly i go and she's there too! :)

moving on. i downloaded the jukebox tour. (so lagging) couldn't stop laughing when i watched it. clay looks alternatingly like a qi ko peh (those frankie foo types), a wind up toy, pretending to act cool and be a greaser. *goodness gracious! great balls of fire!* while dancing ON the darn grand piano :D or clay WINCING when he plays the piano for elvis medley. just thinking about it makes me laugh. especially the "can't touch this" crab dance sequence. and they've got really really really lame and cheesy dance sequences that clay tries (unsuccessfully imo) to get through, eg, they trying to do the can-can, clay's 'grease' hip shake. hilarious sia. my favourite is the 60s medley. sometime next year, i'm going to put that video here. clay can barely control his laughter in that song, esp the part "happy together" when he looks at angela. he just bursts out laughing for some reason. he's flirting lah, admit it. (btw, that's the song in the advert where the gal is jumping for the beer on the top shelf and the guy comes and grabs it and walks off.) i end up rofl when he does that crazy 'head banging' thing in "can't buy me love". thank god for clay. always cheering me up. (he shares the same birthday as my grandmother!)

"lost" ended it's run last week. it's so interesting. no regrets watching it. but so sad that it's not going to continue till next march. 4 months before finding out what happens. hate it when shows end on a cliffhanger like that. anyway now, i watch "project runway". haha! like it. my fav designer is austin. :D rooting for him. but i think he may get out pretty soon. he's been in the bottom half for a while. hope that wendy doesn't win. she's such an obnoxious bitch. ok, her designs are pretty good. but her personality. gosh! much to be desired. just for fun, here are my fav designers: austin, jay, kara saun. and btw, is the host heidi klum? that david copperfield used to go out with? what da hell was she wearing yesterday? looked like she forgot to wear her pants or something. gross.

talking about tv, did anyone see? the 7pm chinese show on channel 8 today. st stephen's was on it!!!! ok, not exactly st stephen's lah. they were filming some scenes at canossaville and st stephen's was very obviously in the background. haha! so excited. khoo should be proud. it's some sort of publicity for the church. *shrugs*

and that guy that's going to be hanged for drug trafficking. i don't get what's all the hype about it. the guy's guilty, he did it!!! so he must face the punishment. it's not as if he was framed or anything.

something funny i saw while blogsurfing. allan, cheryl and the 'M's. quote: "our christmas tree is up" guess where it is. it's literally up. on a shelf. haha! keeping it out of reach of the babies. love reading their blog. it's so fun. of course i don't know them. and they don't know me either. but still. haha! i did tell them that i was reading their blog (dropped a comment for them to see). take a look if ur blogsurfing.

some clossip: clay's back-up singer/sax player jacob apparently left the tour in the middle of the show. literally, he was there in the 1st half then vanished in the 2nd half. and clay didn't introduce him during the band intros. there are lots of speculation about why jacob left. (of course, we'll never know) some say maybe legitimate reasons, jacob had a personal emergency to attend to halfway through the show; but that doesn't tally with someone spotting him hanging around the venue after the show was over, talking into his hp. other people are saying that maybe jacob and clay had a tiff and clay sacked him or jacob resigned; reports were that jacob and clay's relationship was never that great, and keeping in mind that clay didn't acknowledge jacob's (half) presence at that show's band intros. some people say that jacob just decided to leave mid show; he is actually preparing for some sort of solo concert. whatever the reason, i still think that it's darn unprofessional that jacob walked during the intermission. whatever happens, the show must go on, right? (btw, there's a 27pg thread on the clayboard about this)

moving on to this nice bit of clossip that i gotta comment on. clay is wearing those colourful striped socks during his JNT. those type that duan hui wore once and howard said looked like wizard of oz witches. i just have to say (with a simon cowell accent): THat was absolutely HIDEOUS! i mean, ankle socks like that are ok. but those long ones...urgh. with a white suit. double urgh. and at first, those horizontal stripes are still on the lower end of urgh. but now he's wearing vertically striped socks. yuck. there are just some things that are just faux pas. no matter who wears them.

right. pretty long one. enough of this. back to mugging. i hope.

p.s sorry so much clay stuff today. clay's my way of relaxing from mugging. just had to talk abt it lah.

*goodness gracious! great balls of fire!!!*

someone kill me now

argh!!!

gonna fail my first nus exams.

lit exam in 24 hrs time.

cultural studies in 48 hrs.

choir in 50 hrs.

why am i still blogging?????!

why am i downloading the JBT?????

why am i trying to upload the video???!

why can't i concentrate??!??!

worse of all:

why do i not feel that failing is gonna be a bad thing???????!?!?!?!?!?!!!

kill me now.

just came back from school. gosh. half way thru the exams liao. 2 more papers to go. today was pure torture. i was sick. sigh. got a cold, horrible runny nose, sore throat, cough. and a few days ago got slight fever. i think i did darn badly in today's papers. sobsob. i was kinda stumped for genes. i studied for that one ok. but still. the stupid mcqs all looked correct. sigh. english was a little better. but not that much. i'm sure i screwed up. the thingy about the verbs was horrigible. i had no idea how to explain why such and such a thing is something. sigh. for eg, why is a noun phrase called a noun phrase and not a pronoun phrase. know what i said? i said cos a noun phrase has a noun at its head. *dotz* die lah. fail lah. sigh.

anyway, collected my choir 'gown'. gown in inverted commas cos it's not really a bona fide gown. it's a 2 piece. ivory top and green and gold batik skirt. not that bad i think. but it definitely makes me look darn fat. but what to do? anyway, it's one of the nicer choir gowns i ever wore. the skirt was a bit long so the tailor had to take it back to alter. but today when i tried it, it still seemed long. but the tailor said it's ok. so, ok.

mother's being unreasonable again. here's the story. today i'm in school till 7.30 to collect my choir stuff. and i'm supposed to meet dawn to collect the psalm stuff in church. i can't be in 2 places at the same time. so i dispatch andrew to go meet dawn for me. and apparently dawn passed him some psalm book to pass to daryl, which he did. and meantime, because he's got the psalm book with him, and the sunday missal and the 2 photocopied stuff, for some reason, he couldn't go buy fruits like mother wanted him to. says he got no hand to carry. tho imo, he's got plenty of hand to carry, no excuse lah in other words. so when i get home, i get scolding cos of that. actually i don't know what's the whole story. i only gather what's happening in between scoldings. (andrew has yet to tell me the whole story) and so i'm real pissed off now. as if it's my fault like that. you think i can control what happens all the time????!! so i get blamed cos dawn just happens to come down on the day that i'm not free. *rolls eyes* hey, if i had my way, i would have got this done long time ago. just that i don't ok. whatever. damn angry now. i tell you, there's no use arguing with unreasonable people like this. btw, i still don't know what da hell i was getting scolded for.

anyway, let's move to more happy stuff. fass was sending round email about student exchange. haha! excited. wanna go exchange! but it'll be more fun to go together with friends. i guess i get the notion from seeing jenica and friends. they come to nus for a sem, rented a flat in west coast and lives together. so cool! how about it peeps? wanna? i was looking at the unis that fass offers for exchange (haven't finished reading the other resources yet). not many has more than 1 or 2 places tho. UC berkley and another UC campus is offering 10 places each (this is uni wide. watever that means). UNC chapel hill offering 12 places in arts. that'll be fun to go to. parents are kinda ok with me going exchange. but they were not so subtly hinting that i should go to melbourne u. erm...not really keen on that one. i rather go US or England actually. but see how lah. betcha in the end, it'll be like my exercise programme. never materialised. sigh. but still, (to sumi, duan hui, jasmine, su hui, wen hui) how? wanna go together?

other stuff. erm...there is a cat infestation at my block. a whole family of cats have decided to take residence here. just now, when i was coming back, i was waiting for the lift. there was this small girl and her mother also. suddenly i felt something brushing against my leg. at first i thought it's that small girl playing. and i look down. and it's the stupid cat brushing up against me. darn it. lucky i was wearing jeans else i would have screamed to have a furry body rubbing against me like that. stupid cat!!!

i came across this really cool song! called "angels among us". it's so sweet.

Angels Among Us
by Alabama

(Spoken)
I was walking home from school on a cold winter day
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home

(Sang)
Mama couldn't see him,
Oh, but he was standing there
And I knew in my heart,
He was the answer to my prayers.

Chorus:
Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love.

When life held troubled times,
And had me down on my knees
There's always been someone
To come along and comfort me

A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand
And ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
That someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.

Chorus:
Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love.

They wear so many faces,
Show up in the strangest places
To grace us with their mercy,
In our time of need.

Chorus:
Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love.

To guide us with a light of love...

are the children our future?

yesterday st stephen's had it's first childrens' mass. it wasn't that bad. the children were very good. ruth was great. very sweet voice. she did very well i think, especially for "lord of the dance". so how did it feel ruth, to sing and have the entire congregation singing with you. future cantor. not future cantor, she's already cantoring. haha! guess this is the way it should be, i mean, with regards to the children. most other churches have their own children's liturgy, it's nice to see that our church isn't neglecting the kids. it was kinda amusing to watch sr enrica(?) constantly telling the children "sing! sing!" while belting out the hymns with extremem gusto herself. (sing my angel of music! sing for MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!) there's hope for the future of this church cos there are so many kids that are in training to take over from my generation.

but this isn't exactly what i wanted to talk about in this post.

i came across an interview clip, it was talking about the plight of the children in uganda. i don't know who knows about this, maybe i'm the only goondu who doesn't know. but, it was kinda shocking news to hear about. i wanna spread the info for those who don't know. (i hope i'm not rambling incoherently)

there are places in uganda, especially in the northern parts, there's this thing called the "night commuter phenomenon". to explain: for the past 18 years, children from villages in uganda have been terrorised by the LRA rebel army. the LRA sweeps into the villages at night, killing, torturing, raping, kidnapping children aged between 6-14+ years old. these children are used as sex slaves, manual labour, what have you. there is even a case where the LRA broke into a school (St Mary's College) and kidnapped 152 of the students. this is the only war that is targeted specifically at children. the rationale behind it is the LRA wants to cleanse the land of the 'bad' adults and create a new society with the children. this is also known as "auto-genocide". the children and their families live in fear, they are not safe even in their own homes. so every night, children would leave their villages and walk into the big cities to sleep. unlike their villages, the cities are protected by the government. they'd sleep anywhere where they can find shelter; street corners, bus stops, store front verandas, alleyways, carparks...anywhere where they are safe from the LRA. and then they go home in the morning.

bit of background: the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army) formed in 1987 is led by Joseph Kony, who claims to be a spirit medium. it is a paramilitary group rebelling against the ugandan government. they want to establish a state based on kony's unique interpretation of Biblical millenarianism. nearly 2 million civilians become refugees in their own country, leaving their villages and retreating to the safety of the larger cities (called 'internally displaced persons'). the UN issued a formal condemnation only last year (2004). peace talks between the LRA and the ugandan government never resolved anything and the government's attempts at crushing the LRA has caused more retaliation from them (mutilations and more kidnappings). politics and 'face' play a large part in the success, or rather, failure, of the talks. and meantime, the innocents are still suffering. over these 18 years, 12,000 people were killed and 20,000 children abducted. currently, there are still hopes for negotiation. the UN has stepped in to try to help. the international criminal court has issued arrest warrants for the LRA leaders. but nothing has been done yet.

it's sad that such a thing is happening and the rest of the world hardly know what's going on. apparently there has been very little media coverage about this. it's been happening for 18 years. it's a long time. politics etc etc are all stopping the people in power from actually doing something. one of the reasons why the LRA is doing this is to prove how ineffective the government is in protecting its people. in a way it's true. the government clearly isn't doing enough to protect its citizens. sometimes, it's just ironic that in trying to overthrow the current system, the rebels are doing their utmost to show how terrible they will be if they claim power. it's hard to understand why all this is happening. i guess, safe here in singapore, where the only night terrors are those that are in our mind, we tend to take safety for granted. or maybe, like most of the world, we think that, oh, the UN's handling it, it'll be over soon, everything'll be ok. history has proven that things like this are not so simple. the whole thing took 18 years to build up, it'll take more than a few years to end it. and the innocents will suffer. even after the whole shebang is officially over, the effects of it will still be there.

i pray that somewhere, the right person will exert the right influence and stop all this. not just this in uganda, but all over the world, wherever there is any conflict/wars. maybe mere individuals like ourselves can't make a big difference, but enough people can make a better world. no matter what god you believe in, whichever omnipotent, omnipresent deity, remember these children. they have just as much, if not more, right to a better life as any of us.

to quote michael jackson:

heal the world,
make it a better place for you and for me
and the entire human race.
there are people dying;
if you care enough for the living,
make a better place for you and for me.
heal the world we live in, save it for the children.

p.s. this is completely off the subject, but, seeing dawn's blog, i just gotta ask, WHAT DA HELL HAPPENED??????? did i, in my infinite blurness, miss something??????
church politics are just sick. *bloody hypocrites*

well...after the linear algebra exam, feel very happy! feel like laughing an evil laugh like clay did in "can't touch this" ha ha haaaah!!!! ok, the exam wasn't that great but it was miles better than the mid term. at least i managed to finish the paper on time. and i think i managed to get those that i could get. even some of the proving questions i managed to do. yay! not that i will get an A or anything, a B is a miracle already. but at least, i think, i won't fail. one down. 4 more to go!

so anyway, want to share this thing that i found: diary of a cluppy

November 17 2005

Dear Diary,

When you are a famous dog like me, sometimes you have to do things other dogs never get to do, like give Inner Views. Inner Views are when a girl human comes to Aunt Jaymes's house and sits on the sofa and blinks and barks at My Clay, and My Clay yap, yap, yaps back (just like a Sheltie), so I can't even get a bark in edgewise. But that's okay. I don't mind. Becoss really, all I have to do is walk around until the human notices me, and usually they forget all about My Clay and his yapping. Let's face it - I'm a dog. I'm so cute that I don't even have to bark to get attention. And it was nice to meet a girl human who likes My Clay and pets me a whole lot, and isn't yelping "I LOVE YOU CLAY" right in his face. She was probably thinking it, though.

Anyway, me and My Clay have been going to Tour again, of course, but this time, we not only have a few different humans with us, but we've also got a bunch of trees and a thing that looks kind of like a house, but doesn't have any roof on it for some reason. (I hope My Clay isn't thinking of using that thing as our house in The Place That Was Named After Me! That's not much better than the dadgum pile of dirt, for goodness sake!!) And the trees aren't even real -- I know, because I smelled them. Goodness! Squirrels don't live in fake trees, doesn't anybody know that but me? My Clay says they're supposed to be Christmas trees, but I think he's just saying that to take my mind off the no squirrels thing.

Still, this Going to Tour is very fun!! Besides the new humans and My Clay, all my favorite humans are on The Bus - Uncle Nick, Aunt Mary, Aunt Jaymes, and even Jerome! And Sarge and his pretzels! I love everything about going to Tour. One of my favorite things to do is to sit with My Clay on The Bus with his paw around me. And sometimes he'll kiss me on the head (but without using his tongue - don't ask me why), and I kiss his hand (using my tongue, the way you *should* when you kiss somebody), until he hides it under his shirts and tells me to "stop lickin' me - you're getting' on my nerves!" But of course I don't. Just because I love him like crazy doesn't mean I'm going to just do anything he wants.

Like, sometimes he'll call me and I'll be busy doing something else, like trying to get a pretzel out from under the seat cushion, or thinking about how good a chicken leg would taste right now, or maybe even chewing on a McDonald's wrapper. You know, dogs don't always have to do everything their humans want. On the one paw, sure, you love your human lots and lots and you want to make him happy. But on the other paw, sometimes you want to make you happy more. Besides, humans don't always care what you want, either.

Lately, My Clay has been barking about putting me on a Die It. I'm not sure what that is, but anything with the word "Die" in it doesn't sound like a good thing to me. But I think it might have something to do with The Vet telling My Clay I'm too fat, which I am NOT. I'm FLUFFY, that's all. My Clay just laughed and said I have big bones.

Big bones??? I hope that means it's soon time for dinner.

Love,
Raleigh

kafkaesque!

have to blog about his. such an interesting experience. it proves just what a small world this is. (expanding on my last point in the last post)

some one messaged me at 6.30 this morning. really mushy message. got me all excited cos i had participated in one of those chain letter sms which promised that a miracle will happen. anyway, so the message, i had no idea who the snder was. in the back of my mind i was hoping that it was my guy. but that's impossible i know. so i msged back asking who are you. and the guy replied that i know him, the one i asked if he misses me some time ago. so i initially thought it was mag. then i realised that i do not ask people if they miss me. too hao lian for me. so i msged back, really sorry, i don't know who you are. (i just realised how nice i am to keep up at this. usually i'd just ignore it) anyway, he replied that he's YL, maybe i had deleted his number. btw, he checked if i was irene. so meantime, i'm wringing out my brain. who the hell is YL???! i know TY, i know WY, but don't remember any recent contact with a YL. so i asked him, is he from mj (keeping in mind that there was a yan leng there). thinking, is it yok leng from long-forgotten sac past? searching for my address book that always disappears when i need it.

anyway, he told me, no, he's from sp. i think he was getting confused too cos he was verifying, irene right? 19 right? sp right? wrong! i'm in nus. never been to sp. back of my mind i was thinking, is that crazy elvin trying to matchmake me again?! anyway, being nice people, we chatted a while. found out that he was looking for irene from sp business sch. he apparently had my number in his hp for a long time. well, i know that there is an irene in sp business. jac told me before. so i'm thinking, ok...maybe this guy's legit, not a stalker or something. he claims he knows jacqueline too, cos i mentioned her name. so qiao. anyway, so i take the chance and allow him to be friends. btw, his name's yong lin, sp engineering grad.

but i'm still curious. so later on, i tried to find him on friendster, thru jac. but the darn computer kept hanging so i gave up. msged jac instead. she says yes, she knew a yong lin, her cca senior, engineering. ok...so small world. haha! still going to try and find him on friendster though. haha! made a new friend today, sort of.

kk. kinda interesting experience to have to break the horrible monotony of studying. :D

it's getting so much harder for me to set my mind firmly down to work. just can't concentrate. maybe just plain frustration at the uselessness of what i'm doing. i mean, where else will i have to know how to do gaussian elimination or prove that such and such matrices are bases or spans a certain space? why the heck will i need to find the determinant or inverse of a certain matrix? sigh. same with all my other modules. sigh. why will i need to know all that crap about baudrillard, simulations and simulacra or postmodernist thoughts? so frustrated. NUS=National University of Stupidity (they've got the midterm break starting on sunday again next sem)

sometimes i wonder if i should be in uni in the first place. next time when i have to start working, i'll be expected to be one of those high ups people. work in some office somewhere doing useless stuff. sigh. it's much much better to do hands on stuff. things where you can actually be an active part of the process and really see results happen.

sigh. btw, i scraped through my matlab quiz. haha! got the same percentage as the midterm. 11/20. muahahahahaha! my own fault lah. i know that there was so much that i was just whacking. not too worried about the exam yet. cos i'm thinking that based on the ca, i won't fail. but i won't do very well either. so, just trying to force myself to go study the damn thing and do what i can. which is probably not that good since, well...i haven't looked at the tutorials. all i've been doing is consolidating my theory. which means reading my lecture notes. if the thing is mostly solving sums, i can do it. but if it's proving, that's a problem. big problem.

had this dream the other day. it was the day of my linear algebra exam. and i didn't bring my calculator. so i was rushing to get su hui to lend me hers. and for some reason i was running all over nus trying to get her. and then ran to the exam venue. which was this huge hall (kinda like a church hall). the exam was just starting. so i plonked myself into the nearest desk. and then i realised that this wasn't my desk and i didn't know what my seat number was. and so i rushed to the side of the hall where they got the name lists but half way through, mr toh told me to quit running around and sit down. so i did. then i realised that i forgot my help sheets and that i couldn't remember a single thing. sigh. i always get weird dreams like this. like before my a level results when i dreamt i got B for lit, E for maths and G for econs. crazy i tell you.

but seriously, back to real world studying. the only things that i have actually sat down and did studying for is maths, genes and a bit of lit. why am i in the arts stream??????? stupid sac. why they have to give me that sort of combination??! all you people doing chemistry, count your blessings! you can go to the science stream and ultimately go anywhere you want. STAY THE HELL OUT OF ARTS! it may be a fun fac to be in but it's a dead end road. (unless you like teaching)

thinking whether or not to go to the tution center tmr. got some questions to ask. well, 3 questions actually. so i don't know if worth it or not. if i can see june at choir tmr maybe can ask her. but not sure if going to see her. and paiseh to ask her since i don't know her that well. but for now...sigh.
next, was looking up modules that are offered next sem. hey peeps! so proud of myself, i'm actually attempting to plan my next sem's timetable, even if it's a bit early. hoping that can have a day free so can go work part time. uncle james was recommending work at ben and jerry's. but parents not too happy about that. mother wants me to do part time at a bank. shucks. i rather go back to JL. anyway, what i feel like doing next sem: french, religious studies (w/duan hui), general bio (cross fac), singapore studies, 2000 level english, psychology. yup. was initially considering linear algebra 2 but i think i must be crazy to do that. science fac hasn't released next sem's modules yet so i can't check up the cross fac stuff. slow sia.

and then, singapore idol's coming back next year. auditions in february. family's saying that jess or someone from the church should take part. we'll all vote for them. in my wildest dreams i want to try out too. but i'm no clay or ruben or kelly. no way i'm getting through the auditions. even paulus and grace didn't get through, so what chance do i have? waste my time only.

which brings me back to my initial ponderings. what the hell do i want to do with the rest of my life? realistically speaking. i've got loads of things i want to do in my wildest fantasies, singapore idol aside. but really. who knows, maybe i'll end up in some sort of lesbian relationship, opening a flower shop somewhere with my girlfriend. (gosh, parents will go ballistic if that happens) sigh. wish there's some fairy godmother somewhere that can wave a wand and tell me what i'm supposed to do with my life. i'd love to be a music teacher. but you need paper qualifications for that. which i don't have. sigh. darn you SAC!

"depression is a state of mind; think happy thoughts." i cannot think of happy stuff at the moment. hmm...what pretty pink and blue thoughts can i squeeze out of my mind right now? shucks, really can't think of anything leh. die lah. erm...erm...cannot! must end with something happy. hmm.........there's going to be a 4 month break at the end of next semester that i'm going to take to learn how to play the guitar or the er hu. did i mention that aunty priscilla went to thailand and bought back an er hu for us? oh ya. ruth is cantoring this sunday. can't wait to hear her. hope i don't screw up the organ for her though. :D

it's the next morning. something interesting happened this morning. i got an sms from someone saying i miss you, good morning! that kind of msg. anyway, i had no idea who it was so i msged back to ask. and turns out that it's this fella (no idea guy or girl. he only identified himself by his initials) from sp. apparently he was msging someone called irene also. 19 years old too. it's the other irene that jac mentioned to me long time ago. and he knows jac also apparently. so qiao.

Christmastime
by Michael W. Smith
album: Christmastime (1998)

Ring Christmas bells
Ring them loud with the message bringing
Peace on the earth
Tidings of good cheer
Come carolers
Come and join with the angels singing
Joy to the world
Christmas time is here again

Children gather around and listen
You'll hear the sound
Of angels filling the sky
Telling everyone
Christmas time is here

Ring Christmas bells
Ring them loud with the message bringing
Peace on the earth
Tidings of good cheer
Come carolers
Come and join with the angels singing
Joy to the world
Christmas time is here again

Loved ones close to our hearts
and strangers in lands afar
Together share in the joy
Emmanuel
To tell the world
He has come to dwell
The time is near
With one voice
Let the world rejoice

Christmas time is here

Ring Christmas bells
Ring them loud with the message bringing
Peace on the earth
Tidings of good cheer
Come carolers
Come and join with the angels singing
Joy to the world
Christmas time is here again

Children gather around and listen
You'll hear the sound
Of angels filling the sky
It's Christmas time is here again


p.s. after hearing michael singing it, i think clay's version is better. more solid and power.

blogging again...

haiz. i'm incorrigible. anyway, today was quite a good day. had a very nice dream last night that i'm not going to talk about here. haha! but i was awoken from it by wan yun msging me about the project at 7.30am. and since i couldn't get back to sleep, i decided to wake up and start the day. look through the project, maybe do some work before going out. so i did. and listened to half of dr VT's lecture. gosh! now i know how little mr toh has been telling us. sigh. i should have been going for VT's lectures instead. no wonder that tang yang can claim that she only needs to pay attention in lecture to do her tutorials. i was wondering, i pay attention also what, so why she can do and i cannot. now i know. too late. sigh. anyway, while listenin to the lecture, i was also downloading the rest of the JNT. haha! now i can burn it into a cd and have my own joyful noise dvd. (when i buy the blank dvd anyway) meanwhile, i can enjoy and know what the rest of the board is talking about.

anyway, was doing my work till round 10.30. then i left to meet the rest of them at city hall. by the rest of them i mean duan hui, sumi, jas, su hui, wen hui. went there, reached 5 minutes before 11. only su hui was there. she told me that she had been there since 10.30. omg! so early! cos she approxed the time wrong. so she had been walking around and window shopping for the past half hour. not that there was much to see. wen hui was the next to turn up. and then we waited. and waited. and waited. we reasoned that only jasmine has the right to be late since she's the birthday girl. we waited till 11.30. and i was saying, hope this next train contains at least one of them. and guess what? all three of them were in the same train. haha!

ok, collected everyone, so went to suntec. supposed to watch "just like heaven" 1pm. but it was very rush. so decided to go to the 3pm one instead. so meantime, went to the arcade where we watched su hui playing the drum machine. was taking photos until i made the mistake of using flash. the attendant came over and asked me to stop. darn. anyway, i can never understand why people like arcade so much. i literally felt light-headed after being there. the music is so darn loud. anyway, me and duan hui were very attracted to this machine that offered prizes of electronic gadgets. all you needed to do was to collect 5 points and more to win. and there were photos of alleged winners pasted over the machines. and all this for just $1. the both of us are wanting to get new handphones. (btw, sumi got a new one, similar to the one i'm saving to get) anyway, we tried out the machine later but didn't win anything. i tell you, this type of machine is fixed. you can't win unless you put in like a billion tries.

went to kfc for lunch. i didn't want the cheese fries so i asked to change to mashed potatos instead. and the guy at the counter (i only noticed this later on) gave me medium potatos instead of the usual regular size. haha! the guy must like me. and i ate su hui's coleslaw too since she doesn't like it. and the six of us sat there for so long (i wouldn't be surprised if it was an hour) and gossiped and chitchatted until the kfc from crowded became totally empty. :D
then went up to mini toons and spent another damn long time there. at first it was ok but i was feeling kinda awkward wandering around the shop without buying anything, the sales assistants were all looking at us. so i went outside and played with that egg machine. the "nightmare before christmas one". for $2 i got this mini keychain of vampire teddy. and the metallic casing it came it. very cute. actually i was hoping for the skeleton man one. but never mind. i will learn to love my vampire teddy. jasmine came out and tried it too. and she got the vampire teddy also. haha! maybe the entire machine's filled with vampire teddy.

anyway, finally made our way up to the cinema where we spent another long time looking at trailers while waiting for jasmine to contact michelle who was supposed to meet us. looking at trailers and talking about the background info of the movies. like the "exorcism of emily rose" and the "pride and prejudice" and kiera knightley. we stood there so long, the number of trailers we watched was almost a mini movie already. and when we finally managed to contact michelle and confirm that she wanted to watch "just like heaven" with us, and we went to buy the tickets. $8 for a ticket seemed kinda ex. but what to do? so just pay up. then went to the snack bar and sat down some more to wait for michelle. taking photo of chicken little and discussing king kong. it was already 3 when michelle finally arrived. we missed all the trailers before the movie. the 7 of us got the entire row to ourselves. haha! cool!

"just like heaven" is so sweet. i highly recommend it. quite worth my $8. *spoilers ahead* stop here and skip to the next para if you're planning to watch "just like heaven" and don't want to know what it's about. (sorry it's so long. i really really enjoyed it)
there's this girl elisabeth. she's a doctor and she works like there's no tomorrow. one day, after working a 26 hour shift at the hospital, she's on her way to her sister's house and a blind date when she's involved in a traffic accident. her car and a truck. jump to another scene. david is making hell for his estate agent cos he keeps rejecting the apartments she's showing him. something about the couch being not good enough for him. seriously, the first thing he looks for in the apartments is the couch. anyway, some stock situation,the flier advertising elisabeth's apartment comes loose and flies to him. and he sees it and he visits the apartment and immediately rents it. and he's a slob and a couch potato btw. then one night, elisabeth shows up in the apartment thinking that he's a homeless vagrant and tries to throw him out of the apartment. what an attitude that gal has. anyway, later on, he realises that she's not quite real. cos she suddenly appears and suddenly vanishes. and she can't make contact with solid/real world stuff. so david goes to an occult bookstore where he buys all the books about spirits and connecting with the spiritual world. and he tries to talk to elisabeth and convince her that she's dead. wants her to walk towards the light but she keeps insisting that she can't see a light anywhere. anyway, then he gets a priest to come in (he was throwing holy water around and david was going "a little bit more to the left" cos the priest was watering the empty air), the ghostbusters (they supposedly caught a 'spirit' inside a pyramid and was going to flush it), and chinese women who wave candles around and set off the fire alarms (according to elisabeth "the entire joy luck club). :D finally, he gets the guy from the bookshop to come. and he's good. he can't see her but he can sense her presence. he was saying, "you've got a really hostile presence here. the hatred is directed at you." something like that. and the amazing thing was that he told david that elisabeth was the least of his worries. his own aura was black. something inside was eating him up, sucking on his life energy. and it was true. later on he confessed to elisabeth that he couldn't get over his late wife. anyway, elisabeth convinces him to try and help her to figure out what's going on. and he does. (this part's interesting but i don't want to narrate the whole thing here. too long.) anyway, later on, elisabeth saves some guy who collapsed in a restaurant through david. and she remembers about her life. they visit the hospital where she worked. and they find out that she's not dead. she's been in a coma for 3 months. but she could feel it when david touched her hand (on her physical body). she tries to get back into her body. this funny cos she tries to 'stick' in her body but can't. anyway, she gets david to leave her there. later on, her sister and kids visit her. and she finds out that the doctors are considering removing her from life support cos according to some thingy she declared when she was erm...alive. anyway, then, elisabeth goes back to david and wants him to try and convince her sister not to sign the documents. when she's there, she realises that her niece can see her too. that was a sweet scene. the kids were having an imaginary tea party and she sat down too. and the girl smiled at her. and then the girl went to the kitchen to get a cookie and put it on elisabeth's plate. *sweet* anyway, david doesn't managed to convince the sister and gets chased out of the house at knife point. this is after finding out that the life support would be removed at noon the next day. anyway, the 2 of them go back to the apartment where elisabeth starts to express regret that she didn't live her life better, to enjoy herself more rather than working her butt off all the time. she was saying that maybe if david really touched her physical body, she could stick in it since she could feel it before. anyway, the next morning, david wakes up and tells her that he has a plan. they would steal her body and buy her some time. elisabeth figures he's lost his mind. but they do it. david brings his best friend to help. and when his best friend finds out really what they were going to, he recognised elisabeth. she was supposed to be the girl he was hooking david up to. elisabeth recognises the friend as JJ, a guy that french kissed her sister at her wedding. realises that david was supposed to be her blind date on that day. anyway, they try to make off with the body but fail. security catches up with them. david is desperate now and he kisses her physical body cos he thinks she's going to die. but she wakes up! her spirit goes back into her body. but she cannot remember who he is. and he sadly walks away. (woah! very long. summarise the rest) anyway, in the end, he gives her the rooftop garden she always wanted, and when he was returning her the key to the apartment, their hands touch and she remembers everything. hug hug kiss kiss. end of story.

ok, after the movie, after which we're all gushing about how cool the bookshop guy is, with his "righteous." comments and general cool attitude. at least me and duan hui have developed infatuations with that guy. haha! anyway, after the movie, we went walking again at the family link. wen hui and su hui went to buy coloured contact lenses. wen hui got blue (or purple) and su hui got gray, her first set of contacts. while waiting for them to settle the contact lenses, the rest of us went shopping. there was a whole array of those egg machines. saw this girl that seemed to be buying the entire machine. and another guy that was using a torchlight to try and predict what would be inside the egg. gosh. was so tempted to buy the winnie the pooh one but have to resist cos i wanted to save money. walk walk and look around. that store with the egg machines, there was this plastic figurine of a bride and bridesmaid. and we were gushing over how pretty the dress was. really it was. sweet and elegant but still making the point across that she was the bride. oh well, bought parents' wedding anniversary present. one of those solar powered plants that bob up and down. got it in white and green. looks so zen. hope they like it.

yup, so while the rest of them were going to toys r us to relive their childhood, me and duan hui and to rush home. so ends the day. well, not yet. still going to go and watch joyful noise later on. i finally downloaded the entire set. well, almost, i realised that there's one song that spotlightlover didn't upload. well, this is still good. hahA! long enough post already. i'll let you all off for now. bye till next time!

about FJH and the Joyful Noise

to fjh (fan jing hua)

i got this from wen hui's blog. and it says exactly how i'd like to describe him.

in remembrance of our bicycle-riding, communist shoed, strange haired, and eccentric literature tutor from china:

his trademark 'ANDER-thennn', his chinese (karen mok and who-ever) song in relation to hiroshima mon amour, to which the class was listening with unease, his bullet-fast talk (sometimes) which stumps us because we're still trying to make out the accented words until now, his strange eruptions of laughter that totally silenced the class (which is then followed by this sudden reversal of expression to his solemn cat-eyed look when he realised he was alone in his euphoria), the poem he composed while marking our scripts and then attempted to read to us in class (another silencing tactic), his weekly laments that people say he talks too much in class so he'll shut up and let us do the talking (but then goes on for another half hour by which time the class has ended), his non-conclusive endings (where he goes on and on about themes etc and suddenly freezes us with a weird eccentric smile and says 'that's it, byebye.'), leaving us to feel strangely pangseh-ed in those half-explored ideas of his. and of course it was very strategic to hand back scripts on the last day, where he kept saying he is boss and so it is to his own preference whether he likes our scripts or not. i think he kept a whole sem's worth of criticism to throw in our faces today.

and not to forget his sudden comparation of his english with us:
i know you're more well-articulated than me when we speak, i know my spoken english is not as good as yours ... BUT in writing it is not the case! IT IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING ALTOGETHER! (or something to that extend. and there he was accusing me of repetition of ideas in my essay, he repeats himself a fafillion times all the time)

and he was talking about finding grammatical errors in our scripts:
it's like being in a restaurant and expecting something delicious, and when the dish comes i enjoy it and it is well-done, *flashes eccentric smiles* ITS DELICIOUS!! IT IS!! BUT! BUT i find a few pieces of HAIR IN IT!!! and i just DONT LIKE IT! I DONT LIKE IT! (and we all pause in our flipping of the scripts to collectively stare at him. he repeated the last sentence many times, i think he felt liberated by his own outburst. erm.)

i hope he never gets here. anyhow, here's to FJH: a punctured bicycle tyre on the way home.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
joyful noise tour 2005

i know i recently did a clay installment. but i just have to blog about this. it's probably one of the sweetest concerts i've seen. sort of seen. i downloaded spotlightlover's audios and videos about it. not all yet. not enough time to get all. but those that i have... oh. my. god. clay's not just a singer here. he's an artist. and he's just proven it. my favourites are the opening sequence "christmas time" and the encore piece "good news". i'm gonna try and put it here. and maybe, just maybe, the choir will be ambitious enough to try singing it (if i can get hold of the scores. i'm going to ask the CB). *hint hint*

to the uninitiated, joyful noise tour is his christmas tour. he did a normal thing last year with his carols and all, i think. (figure live MCWL cd) i didn't see that one tho. this year, he's got a sort of scripted mini skits going on. it's like a mini musical. from what i see, there's a main character, the lonely old lady. and there's the 4 angels, he, angela, quiana and jacob. (i gather from the boards) the joy is so obvious. it's not just a concert. the visual elements make it so, so...poignant. the songs sing of love, joy, family, god/religion, not just the commercialised part of christmas. and the focus is not just on clay but on the rest of the people on stage, acting out the musical. *g*

little observation i saw. clay's using those headset mics this time, not hiding behind the mic stand. and his hand expressions remind me strongly of david copperfield when david is doing his magic gestures. which brings to mind, clay's making the point of how magical christmas really is/can be. after all, his angel character is doing work of creating a magical christmas for that lonely old lady. not to say, also for all those watching.

makes me wish i wasn't so busy this december to feel the christmas CHILL. christmas time is just round the corner. or as clay says: "the christmas season starts now." :D

interesting article

WHAT WAS GOD THINKING? SCIENCE CAN'T TELL
Eric Cornell. Time Magazine. November 14, 2005.

Scientists, this is a call to action. But also one to inaction. Why am I the messenger? Because my years of scientific research have made me a renowned expert on my topic: God. Just kidding. You'll soon see what I mean. Let me pose you a question, not about God but about the heavens: "Why is the sky blue?" I offer two answers: 1) The sky is blue because of the wavelength dependence of Rayleigh scattering; 2) The sky is blue because blue is the color God wants it to be.

My scientific research has been in areas connected to optical phenomena, and I can tell you a lot about the Rayleigh-scattering answer. Neither I nor any other scientist, however, has anything scientific to say about answer No. 2, the God answer. Not to say that the God answer is unscientific, just that the methods of science don't speak to that answer.

Before we understood Rayleigh scattering, there was no scientifically satisfactory explanation for the sky's blueness. The idea that the sky is blue because God wants it to be blue existed before scientists came to understand Rayleigh scattering, and it continues to exist today, not in the least undermined by our advance in scientific understanding. The religious explanation has been supplemented - but not supplanted - by advances in scientific knowledge. We now may, if we care to, think of Rayleigh scattering as the method God has choseen to implement his color scheme.

Right now there is a U.S. federal trial under way in Dover, Pennsylvania, over a school policy requiring teachers to tell students about "intelligent design" before teaching evolution. The central idea of intelligent design is that nature is the way it is because God wants it to be that way. This is not an assertion that can be tested in a scientific way, but studied in the right context, it is an interesting notion. As a theological idea, intelligent design is exciting. Listen: If nature is the way it is because God wants it to be that way, then, by looking at nature, one can learn what it is God wants! The microscope and the telescope are no longer merely scientific instruments; they are windows into the mind of God.

But as exciting as intelligent design is in theology, it is a boring idea in science. Science isn't about knowing the mind of God; it's about understanding nature and the reasons for things. The thrill is that our ignorance exceeds our knowledge; the exciting part is what we don't understand yet.

If you want to recruit future scientists, you don't draw a box around all our scientific
understanding to date and say, "Everything outside this box we can explain only by invoking God's will." In 1855, no one told the future Lord Rayleigh that the scientific reason for the sky's blueness is that God wants it that way. Or if someone did tell him that, we can all be happy that the youth was plucky enough to ignore them. For science, intelligent design is a dead-end idea.

My call to action for scientists is, Work to ensure that the intelligent-design hypothesis is taught where is can contribute to the vitality of a field (as it could perhaps in theology class) and not taught in science class, where it would suck the excitement out of one of humankind's great ongoing adventures.

Now for my call to inaction: most scientists will concede that as powerful as science is, it can teach us nothing about values, ethics, morals or, for that matter, God. Don't go about pretending otherwise! For example, science can try to predict how human activity may change the climate, but science can't tell us whether those changes would be good or bad.

Should scientists, as humans, make judgements on ethics, morals, values and religion? Absolutely. Should we act on these judgments, in an effort to do good? You bet. Should we make use of the goodwill we may have accumulated through our scientific achievements to help us do good? Why not? Just don't claim that your science tells you "what is good"... or "what is God."

Act: fight to keep intelligent design out of science classrooms! Don't act: don't say science disproves intelligent design. Stick with the plainest truth: science says nothing about intelligent design, and intelligent design brings nothing to science, and should be taught in theology, not science classes.

My value judgment is that further progress in science will be good for humanity. My argument here is offered in the spirit of trying to preserve science from its foes - but also from its friends.

20 random facts about me

Write 20 radom facts about yourself.Then tag the Same Number of pple as mins it takes you to write the facts.If youre tagged,its your turn.

1. i'm 1.67m tall
2. i solo in church sometimes.
3. i love clay aiken (crazy claymate alert!)
4. and david copperfield.
5. pachelbel's canon in d is my favourite classical piece.
6. i've got 3 different piano versions of it.
7. my dream is to be a geneticist. (which is, alas!, not to be)
8. i'm officially grade 1 piano.
9. i love taking the bus.
10. i get car sick, no matter what car i'm in. (taxis are no exception)
11. i got dengue fever earlier this year.
12. hopeless romantic.
13. never been in a real boy-girl relationship.
14. my bag is always mysteriously full and heavy.
15. secretly wish to be a tai-tai and live in 1st avenue or some ang-moh country
16. (erm...what else?) i often talk to myself when doing work.
17. thinks penguins are cute
18. thinks cats are evil. (kittens are ok. but they grow!!!)
19. want to own a golden retriever someday
20. very very very very sian and bored of studying right now. (which is why i'm filling this up now. sigh. stop slacking gal!)

haha! 20 FACTS about me. i'm not going to tag people cos it took me like 20+minutes to write it. so who wants to put 20 facts about themselves, just feel free...!

it's finally happened

my worst fear about cantoring has finally happened (again) today.

i opened my mouth and sounded like a toad.

maluation in front of the whole congregation! muahahahahahahaha!

but seriously. it's all my own freaking fault that i didn't practice. and i knew from the start that it wouldn't go well. i mean, i came early to try and warm up but the sound just wouldn't come out properly. kinda stuck somewhere between the voice box and the mouth thing. anyway. SORRY!!

the good thing is, this is my last cantoring session for the year. yay! now i can hide in the choir.

"he who is forced to stand to attention is already guilty"

whatever.

au revoir les enfants

last night i watched one of the most touching movies i've seen for a long time. arts central's film art "au revoir les enfants" or "goodbye children".

set in the midst of world war 2, january of 1944, it focuses on a catholic school in the countryside that is hiding 3 jewish children. the main character is bonnet, a jew in hiding. we are not told explicitly that he's a jew. in fact, he hides the fact from his schoolmates, telling them that he is a protestant when they ask him why he doesn't receive communion, saying that he doesn't like pork when he's offered it. we are given some indication that bonnet isn't what he pretends to be when, when the school is visited by the militia, the teachers pull him out of class and rush him off somewhere, for no apparent reason. eventually one of his classmates, quentein finds out but keeps his secret. predictably, they become best friends after being lost together in the forest and almost getting arrested by krauts. they play the piano together, sheltering together in the school instead of the shelter during an air raid...

later on, the kitchen assisstant, joseph, a handicapped jew, is found to be stealing kitchen supplies for the black market. he is sacked. he screams unfairness since he's not the only one doing it and that the students are also involved. the students are merely grounded but he's the one who loses his job. he later denounces the school to the gestapo. the gestapo raid the school and finds the 3 jewish students. they are arrested together with the principal and the school is closed. in the final scene when they are being taken away, we are told that the 3 students died at auschwitz and the principal (a priest) died at another camp somewhere.

it's sad cos we have to keep in mind that these are just children. they are only 9, 10 years old and yet they already have to go through so much. other than that they are jews, there is absolutely nothing to distinguish them from the others. there was a scene when quentein's mother takes him and bonnet out to a restaurant (she doesn't know about bonnet) and then the militia make a raid on the restaurant and find an elderly jewish man. her comment was, "who'd have thought? such a respectable looking man." and the priest (father jean), his only crime was hiding the jewish students, out of christian charity. he preached very firey sermons on charity, so much so that one parent had walked out of his sermon in offense.

yup, the final scene was sad. it's hard for me to recreate it here. the atmosphere and all. the unfairness and the futility of it all. almost cried watching it. there's something about french movies like this that are just so poignant. sigh. *g*

if there's nothing missing in her life, then why do these tears come at night?

the depression is back again. feel so sad all day. the little bits of happiness don't seem to be able to dispel the boughts of sadness following it. i wish i got some of those happiness pills i wrote about years ago. i'd love to take some of those and get rid of this depression i seem to be going through.

on tuesday, went for metro sale at expo. bought myself some shirts, a $7 pair of jeans and a nice blue wallet. not that bad. then queued up for 50 minutes to pay. the queue was crazy. it was snaking all around the hall. to get to the end of the queue, we had to walk all the way round the hall. then when we got there, the queue was initially moving ok. then the guy in front of us answered a phone call from his wife (presumably). and while answering his phone, he stopped moving. meanwhile, the queue moves. and in that short space of time, 5 people jumped into the queue. and then that crazy guy left the queue. me went "hey!" as loud as i could. but no use lah. then later on, the queue suddenly slowed down so much that at times, it wasn't moving at all. wondering why. as the cashiers came into view, the answer was found. there was another queue formed next to the original queue and MERGING with the original queue!! what bad organization on metro's part. and that other queue was much shorter than the original one. *fumes* anyway, that evening went for the all saint's mass. daryl turned up. yay! so i didn't have to play the organ. jess was a bit soft but on the whole, it was ok. fr khoo wasn't as boring as usual. and fr khoo came over to us after mass to show off his ignorance that he didn't realise that the choir guys stood on the kneelers. it was kinda obvious lor. gosh. and so he went on and on about how expensive it would be to replace the kneelers if it was broken. kinda reminds me of the time he implied that we couldn't use the bass pedals on the organ cos it costs a lot to repair when it broke. bit of nonsense i think.

wednesday, back to school. cultural studies lecture was so empty. none of my group members showed up. so me was sitting at the back all by my lonesome self listening to prof phillips lecture about the postmodern condition and simulacra. which i still don't get. after all these years, including mdm yew's lecture about it and i still don't get it. sigh. duan hui crashed the last hour of the lecture. so at least got some company. i think she's been scared off studying cultural studies. poor girl. she just happened to come into a difficult lecture. prof phillips wanted to show us clips from "true romance" (which i sincerely hope isn't any zombie/post apocalyptic world film) but there wasn't time. his lectures are starting later and later nowadays. like this time, he strolled in at 10.15 and then went out to buy his coffee. and he gives us darn long breaks too. i had time to read my lime mag during that break. lit lecture was ok. dr roy was her usual boring self. it doesn't help that she puts the notes up on the screen cos all she does is read off it. like i said before, her voice is hypnotic. gosh. anyway, in the evening, had to go to ihm for all soul's mass cos ah-ma wants us to. so 'rushed' home after hanging around after class. took 10 with duan hui and then met elvin and andrea in 40 at tanjong katong. quite a pleasant surprise. as usual, elvin wants me to get andrew to join servers. all i can say is, i've been transmitting his requests for the past 2 years. don't kill the messenger. anyway, like i said, went to ihm. very reluctantly i must add. there's something about the death thingy that just gets to me. saw jerome. :) he still looks the same. there was this guy with special needs sitting behind me during mass. he was very enthu about singing. he was blasting away tunelessly. it was painful to the ears but keeping in mind that he's a special needs guy, it had to be tolerated. at least he's enthu about it.

thursday another holiday. supposed to be studying for my matlab quiz. but as usual, couldn't. there were other, more interesting things that caught my attention. for eg. dawn tells me that there's going to be a children's mass next week and ruth's going to cantor. another thing, one of my cantors suddenly became quite depressed about herself so (as elvin suggested) i wanted to try and talk to her about it. and then, went shopping again, looking for my freaking choir shoes. why the crazy choir can't use black shoes like everyone else, i don't know. anyway, went to JL specialist centre. saw the BNN girl. she's so slim now. saw soo hwa also. so nice to see them and talk to them. like old times at JLPP. miss them. they say that JLPP is really closed down liao. apparently it was supposed to be the compass point one that was closing but for some reason, parkway got the cut instead. so they all had to scatter. sad. but it was nice to see and talk to them again. wish could have meet nisha and latifah. forgot to ask soo hwa where they went. yup. anyway, walked over the somerset area trying to look for the freaking shoes. and still can't find it. either it's too expensive (like in robinsons, i found the perfect pair but it cost $80+), or it's not the right colour. sigh. btw, it's supposed to match ivory. so the shoes supposed to be kinda off-white/cream colour. which is nearly impossible to get. and getting home, rushed out my cultural studies project part. which i think is total crap anyway. poor kevin's going to have to do tons of editing for mine. oh ya, forgot to mention, managed to buy some christmas presents for the church choir people. haha! yes, we're all getting ready for christmas. robinsons has already decorated their store front and brought out the christmas tree sales stuff.

and friday. woke up with a absolutely horrible headache. how bad can the day get?? tried to go back to sleep to get rid of the headache but it just wouldn't go away. for some reason, i never thought about panadol. anyway, spent the morning trying to revise for my lab quiz. looking through the lect notes. then i composed the psalm for ruth almost from scratch. so proud of myself. haha! loaded it onto nwc, but it doesn't sound as good as i imagined it to be. just can't figure out the rhythm correct. sigh. but it's good enough for me at the moment. and so, go to school for one freaking hour only. maths quiz. sigh. well, it wasn't as bad as i expected. of course there was the horrible part of the transformations. i almost skipped that entire question. but there was time for me to go back and whack something. hopefully get some marks. haha! and hallelujah! gram-schmidt came out!! i was hoping it would be that and not projections. yay!! at least i know how to do that one. but the quiz had a bad beginning. i entered the matrix and then came out the matrix with like 10 decimal points. almost panicked. but luckily the thing turned out ok. i hope. mr toh was there today as one of the invigilators. scary leh, that guy knows my name. and i've never spoken a single word to him before, except "good morning". *shrugs* well, he's my tutor after all. but still...never mind. i think i've got a crush on him. but he's married so...;D(i'm in a much better mood today than yesterday when i wrote the rest of this post, which makes the title a bit redundant) anyway, today's the last time i'm going into the maths lab. going to miss it. sometimes i wonder if i should continue linear algebra 2 as my cross fac module. haha! see how my results are lah. was kinda hoping to do general bio cross fac with the rest of them. btw, did i mention that sumi and i are going on a cruise together? heeheehee! not really together lah, but the 2 families are going together so...yay! so excited. can't wait for december to come round.

in keeping with my philosophy that "depression is a state of mind. think happy thoughts!", i'm going to talk some happy stuff.
clay+gossip=clossip!

the top 10 things clay's children might say to him

10. can jerome take me for a ride in the Porsche? (note to those who don't know. jerome here refers to clay's bodyguard)
9. do you have to sing "lift me up" every time you pick me up?
8. tell me the story again about how the brave clay saved the beautiful kimberly from the evil simon.
7. you can get off the refrigerator. the kitty's gone outside.
6. you only sold 10 million copies this time? gee dad...
5. nooOO!!!! every time ruben comes over i never get anything to eat!
4. but i like you as a singer. i don't want you to be president.
3. mommy said tuck your shirt tail in all the way or not at all.
2. daddy, why is the basement full of panties?

and the number 1 thing clay's children might say to him...*drum roll*

1. did you really meet mommy on an internet message board?

:D

p.s. still not satisfied with the skin. ;p